Tumblr! :D

I'm on tumblr now and it is so freaking addictive, I tell you! :P

Follow me here :D

D-Day!

Its the day tommorow! The making or the breaking of me.. I'm freaking out big time.
The nerves had been around me.. for a week! :\
Even when I was down with flu and took those drowsy medicine, NO, I just cant sleep. FML

I have panic attack whenever I'm getting my results. I am emotionally unstable
I remembered how I used to breakdown and cry in the car when I'm on my way to school to get my SPM results. YES, I BURST OUT CRYING IN THAT 10 MINUTES JOURNEY TO SCHOOL :\ HAHAHAHA Oh well, at least I know that my tear glands are really.. active? :P

Then, it was my AS results. I think I've practically annoyed and irritated everyone close to me. Mad paranoid. I have sleepless nights for a week and I kept babbling about how bad my results will be. Low self esteem. DAI EMO DAI :\ ...or maybe I knew I've screwed up my papers! And it turns out to be right, I've screwed up my Physics Paper3.. Thank God that its not a high weightage paper.

BUT, its different this time. I knew how my condition was when I was sitting for my final papers.. I wasnt in the zone at all! I've let things controlled my mind, distracted me from studies.. and I've got no one to blame but myself. Le sigh. No point regretting now.. What's done is done. Ahhhhh, all I can do now is hoping for the best tmw :(

Nyeh! ♥

Life's been hectic recently and I'm enjoying every single bit of it :D
I've dropped 4 kgs! ;) ...3 more kgs to my target! Woots!

I've cut my hair! A few inches shorter to be exact.
New year, new haircut, new colour too ;)
...and I think I've gone a lil bit overboard with the colour this time HAHAHAH
Its too bright for me. I feel wild :P

Decisions have been made ( I would like to believe so )
Environmental engineering, material engineering or civil engineering... and all of them sounded so 'big-big' for me. I'm still thinking of aeronautics and chemical though. Ahhhh, can I dont make any decision?! :(

I'm NOT ready to leave home!
Staying at home everyday now makes me even more heavy-hearted to leave.
I'm not going to lie. I'm so freaking dependent on my family! ( plus my kakak too ) :\
I cant even find my own stuff by myself without the help of my sis.. I'm such a cow! HAHAHAH :P
Plus, falling sick lately makes me wonder.. Who will take care of me when I'm in uni? :( Emo*
The next hobby of mine besides sleeping is falling sick :\ I'm weak like that! Lol!
I used to fall sick almost every week when I'm in secondary school. Flu is my soulmate, fever is my best friend. I dont need a reason for them to pay me a visit. I fall sick randomly. One moment I'm okay, the very next moment, you'll see tonnes of tissue paper around me. I think I have a malfunction nose. Hahahaha :P

Will upload my new hair colour pics asap! :)

Guitar & Make up!

I have the world's silliest mum.

Mummy ; Me

I've registered you for make up course d. Only three lessons.

Huh? What make up course? = =

Big girl d. Need to learn how to apply make up and stuff d. 

I dont understand lo.. I thought I told you that I wanna go for guitar lessons?

Dont need to go for guitar lessons. Dont bring another trash back at home.

Nooooooooooo! Look into my eyes. I'm serious with guitar this time. Heheh

Its okay. Next time when you go uni, go get a bf who knows how to play guitar and ask him to teach you la. Both of you can play together somemore. So nice!

Duwan! I want him to play violin one. 

You what also want one la 

See, now I know why I'm like this! HAHAHAHAH

I need to cheer up my blog. I've been posting up too many gloomy and emo posts. Tsk

First

This is the very first time that I'm so afraid, so worried.
I am so worn out yet I just couldnt fall asleep.
Was on my bed for an hour plus, tried playing sudoku to make myself sleepy, tried listening to emo songs.. No, I just cant sleep! :(
Instead of sleeping, my tears rolled down. 
Tears that I've been holding up throughout the day.. I've lost it.


It was hard to see him lying on that bed again. It was hard to leave that room.
It was hard to see everyone standing by the side of his bed, asking about him...
It was even harder to know that.. that man is my dad.


...and I finally realized how love can bring the whole family together..
It was the first time I saw love from my grandpa towards my dad.. 
Will never forget his teary red eyes staring into me, telling my dad's condition.. His soft hands gently rubbing my dad's forehead just to make sure that he's okay.. Walking back and forth along the corridor coz the nerves are getting on him.. He actually do care about his son.


My mum cried. She finally cried. The last time I saw her cry was during my granddad's funeral.. 9 years ago. The tough, strong iron lady in my life.. The woman that did not break down even though she was diagnosed with a tumour in her chest, the woman that taught me how precious are tears to females ( I cry very easily :\ ).. She broke down today.. It was heartbreaking


I had a really longgggggggggg day today. Its 2011, I'm going to be 20 soon!
I'm starting to feel the responsibility as the eldest child in the family. I'm feeling the urge to act like a twenty year old eldest sis who is able to take care of her younger siblings. I.am.afraid. Time to grow up, Sze :(

Be strong, pa..

Come back soon ♥

This is definitely not the best way to start the year... :(