First

This is the very first time that I'm so afraid, so worried.
I am so worn out yet I just couldnt fall asleep.
Was on my bed for an hour plus, tried playing sudoku to make myself sleepy, tried listening to emo songs.. No, I just cant sleep! :(
Instead of sleeping, my tears rolled down. 
Tears that I've been holding up throughout the day.. I've lost it.


It was hard to see him lying on that bed again. It was hard to leave that room.
It was hard to see everyone standing by the side of his bed, asking about him...
It was even harder to know that.. that man is my dad.


...and I finally realized how love can bring the whole family together..
It was the first time I saw love from my grandpa towards my dad.. 
Will never forget his teary red eyes staring into me, telling my dad's condition.. His soft hands gently rubbing my dad's forehead just to make sure that he's okay.. Walking back and forth along the corridor coz the nerves are getting on him.. He actually do care about his son.


My mum cried. She finally cried. The last time I saw her cry was during my granddad's funeral.. 9 years ago. The tough, strong iron lady in my life.. The woman that did not break down even though she was diagnosed with a tumour in her chest, the woman that taught me how precious are tears to females ( I cry very easily :\ ).. She broke down today.. It was heartbreaking


I had a really longgggggggggg day today. Its 2011, I'm going to be 20 soon!
I'm starting to feel the responsibility as the eldest child in the family. I'm feeling the urge to act like a twenty year old eldest sis who is able to take care of her younger siblings. I.am.afraid. Time to grow up, Sze :(

Be strong, pa..

Come back soon ♥

This is definitely not the best way to start the year... :(