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D-Day!

Its the day tommorow! The making or the breaking of me.. I'm freaking out big time.
The nerves had been around me.. for a week! :\
Even when I was down with flu and took those drowsy medicine, NO, I just cant sleep. FML

I have panic attack whenever I'm getting my results. I am emotionally unstable
I remembered how I used to breakdown and cry in the car when I'm on my way to school to get my SPM results. YES, I BURST OUT CRYING IN THAT 10 MINUTES JOURNEY TO SCHOOL :\ HAHAHAHA Oh well, at least I know that my tear glands are really.. active? :P

Then, it was my AS results. I think I've practically annoyed and irritated everyone close to me. Mad paranoid. I have sleepless nights for a week and I kept babbling about how bad my results will be. Low self esteem. DAI EMO DAI :\ ...or maybe I knew I've screwed up my papers! And it turns out to be right, I've screwed up my Physics Paper3.. Thank God that its not a high weightage paper.

BUT, its different this time. I knew how my condition was when I was sitting for my final papers.. I wasnt in the zone at all! I've let things controlled my mind, distracted me from studies.. and I've got no one to blame but myself. Le sigh. No point regretting now.. What's done is done. Ahhhhh, all I can do now is hoping for the best tmw :(

Nyeh! ♥

Life's been hectic recently and I'm enjoying every single bit of it :D
I've dropped 4 kgs! ;) ...3 more kgs to my target! Woots!

I've cut my hair! A few inches shorter to be exact.
New year, new haircut, new colour too ;)
...and I think I've gone a lil bit overboard with the colour this time HAHAHAH
Its too bright for me. I feel wild :P

Decisions have been made ( I would like to believe so )
Environmental engineering, material engineering or civil engineering... and all of them sounded so 'big-big' for me. I'm still thinking of aeronautics and chemical though. Ahhhh, can I dont make any decision?! :(

I'm NOT ready to leave home!
Staying at home everyday now makes me even more heavy-hearted to leave.
I'm not going to lie. I'm so freaking dependent on my family! ( plus my kakak too ) :\
I cant even find my own stuff by myself without the help of my sis.. I'm such a cow! HAHAHAH :P
Plus, falling sick lately makes me wonder.. Who will take care of me when I'm in uni? :( Emo*
The next hobby of mine besides sleeping is falling sick :\ I'm weak like that! Lol!
I used to fall sick almost every week when I'm in secondary school. Flu is my soulmate, fever is my best friend. I dont need a reason for them to pay me a visit. I fall sick randomly. One moment I'm okay, the very next moment, you'll see tonnes of tissue paper around me. I think I have a malfunction nose. Hahahaha :P

Will upload my new hair colour pics asap! :)

Guitar & Make up!

I have the world's silliest mum.

Mummy ; Me

I've registered you for make up course d. Only three lessons.

Huh? What make up course? = =

Big girl d. Need to learn how to apply make up and stuff d. 

I dont understand lo.. I thought I told you that I wanna go for guitar lessons?

Dont need to go for guitar lessons. Dont bring another trash back at home.

Nooooooooooo! Look into my eyes. I'm serious with guitar this time. Heheh

Its okay. Next time when you go uni, go get a bf who knows how to play guitar and ask him to teach you la. Both of you can play together somemore. So nice!

Duwan! I want him to play violin one. 

You what also want one la 

See, now I know why I'm like this! HAHAHAHAH

I need to cheer up my blog. I've been posting up too many gloomy and emo posts. Tsk

First

This is the very first time that I'm so afraid, so worried.
I am so worn out yet I just couldnt fall asleep.
Was on my bed for an hour plus, tried playing sudoku to make myself sleepy, tried listening to emo songs.. No, I just cant sleep! :(
Instead of sleeping, my tears rolled down. 
Tears that I've been holding up throughout the day.. I've lost it.


It was hard to see him lying on that bed again. It was hard to leave that room.
It was hard to see everyone standing by the side of his bed, asking about him...
It was even harder to know that.. that man is my dad.


...and I finally realized how love can bring the whole family together..
It was the first time I saw love from my grandpa towards my dad.. 
Will never forget his teary red eyes staring into me, telling my dad's condition.. His soft hands gently rubbing my dad's forehead just to make sure that he's okay.. Walking back and forth along the corridor coz the nerves are getting on him.. He actually do care about his son.


My mum cried. She finally cried. The last time I saw her cry was during my granddad's funeral.. 9 years ago. The tough, strong iron lady in my life.. The woman that did not break down even though she was diagnosed with a tumour in her chest, the woman that taught me how precious are tears to females ( I cry very easily :\ ).. She broke down today.. It was heartbreaking


I had a really longgggggggggg day today. Its 2011, I'm going to be 20 soon!
I'm starting to feel the responsibility as the eldest child in the family. I'm feeling the urge to act like a twenty year old eldest sis who is able to take care of her younger siblings. I.am.afraid. Time to grow up, Sze :(

Be strong, pa..

Come back soon ♥

This is definitely not the best way to start the year... :(

Big Step

Decisions. I have big decisions to make!
I'm so afraid to take a step ahead, to decide on which course to take, which uni to go!
I'm so fickle-minded and I think I might had just wasted my previous uni applications :\

I'm clueless of what/who I wanna be. Which engineering courses to choose?! FML
Been rooting for Chemical Engineering for two years and.. I've lost by interest by now.
Its not that appealing anymore plus I'll be having a tough time to find for job after my degree.
My dream of working at those platforms in the middle of the sea, travelling from one platform to another with helicopter, working for only 2 weeks per month.. blablabla, has just crashed like that when I found out how limited job offers are there for me! Those petrol company have their own freaking scholars! How am I going to compete with them? :\

Then, parents asked me to consider bout Civil Engineering.
 First thing that came to my mind : Those yellow-Phua-Chu-Kang boots!!
Thats the minor part of it... I still have those yellow helmets, goggles and neon coloured vest!
I'll look like one of those those illegal immigrants who swam across the sea just to get a living here on construction sites. Sad.

And.. since I'm giving Civil Eng some thoughts, Architecture came into my mind!
Googled info-s bout it and was really hyped up till I realized that I cant draw a straight line!
Yes, you read that, I cant draw the simplest thing! Even if I am provided with ruler.. the line will still be crooked. Hmm... Look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa.. maybe straight lines doenst matter that much? :P

I cant see myself clicking with any of those courses! :S
Engineering is a big word to me. I'm so afraid that I cant take it :(

After reading this post... I feel like a bimbo D:

Breakdown

The wall around my heart is breaking down.. The gates around my tear glands are opening.. I'm not happy. I'm not! I'm in pain :( Damn, the pain just wouldn't go away! Tsk. Ten years later, I'll make sure my babies appreciate their mama more than their papa! Tell me how not to appreciate women who can bleed for a week and did not die from insufficiency of blood? :P Gosh, the hormones are definitely taking a toll on my emotions.

Back To November

I'm so glad you are happy right now

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How's life? Tell me,how you're doing

It has really been for awhile..

You've been good, busier than ever

We've been like the monsoon raining weather

So dark and cold, perfect strangers

Because our last date, that Thursday night

Is still burned in the back of my mind

We watched movie, our thirtieth movie

So this is me realizing my fault

thinking that you will not

let go, holding on till the end...

And I'll go back to November all the time

It turns out we were both falling fast for nothing

Wishing I'd realized what we had when we were friends..

I'll go back to November, change my mind and make it alright

I'll go back to November all the time..

These days, I haven't been sleeping

Staying up, playing back all your sweet deeds

When your birthday passed, and I didnt call...

Then I think about moments, all the beautiful times

How you appeared as the saviour of my life

Midnight calls just to cheer me up

And the surprises, the hoodie, the tablets touched my heart

This is how we started off, and all we have now is goodbye

So this is me realizing my fault

thinking that you will not

let go, holding on till the end...

And I'll go back to November all the time

It turns out we weer both falling fast for nothing

Wishing I'd realized what we had when we were friends..

I'll go back to November, change my mind and make it alright

I'll go back to November all the time..

I miss your tan skin, your big eyes

So good to me, so right

And how you held me in your arms that November night

The first time you ever watched me sleep

Maybe this is foolish thinking

Probably mindless dreaming

I was silly enough, I swear I was happy

I'd go back in time and change it, but I cant

So all I left to do was to, realize it...

So this is it finally, I am

waking up, facing it

no point turning back and be sad..

And now I'm grateful for you

It turns out you've opened my eyes to the world

Realized how harsh reality are supposed to be...

And I'll go back to November, cherishing everything we had

I'll go back to November, wishing you are once real to me

I'll go back to November all the time..

All the time...

Finally. Finally. Finally I'm alright :)
It was a bittersweet experience and now I'm learning how to cherish it..
Yes, it takes a very long time for me to recover this time.. Dont wanna repeat the same mistake by depending my feelings on others to heal. Imma standing up on my own, yo! :D

Retail therapy plays a very big and important role too! :P

Taylor Swift - Back To December - CMA Awards 2010 HD

Weeeeee~

Finally, I have all the time in the world to dive myself in books!! Woots~ Bought these two from MPH tdy.. Ahhhh, Sophie Kinsella's new book!! Mini Shopaholic! :D I'm in love! :)

Rays

I'm still finding the light at the end of the tunnel. I thought I've found it, I thought I've saw the light rays.. But I was wrong. I'm tired to know that I'm wrong. I'm afraid to take a step forward. I'm afraid that I'll be taking the wrong step again.. I.need.to.stop.thinking!

ONE

One more paper to gooooooooooooo! :D
And I'll have be free.. forever! :P

I've been staying in Penang for the past weeks. I felt so independent! HAHAHAH
I've washed my first sink of plates!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peeled and sliced potatoes!
Make my own bed everyday! *jumps up and down*

I finally felt like a.. functional girl! HAHAHAHAH :P
Dad got so excited and asked me to stay longer in Penang so that I get to wash toilet too = =

If you know me well enough, you'll know that folding clothes and YoongSze can never be together! Lol
Guess what?!
No, I didnt miraculously knew how to fold my clothes for my stay there. All my dirty clothes are squashed, smashed and thrown into my laundry bag for a week to bring them back to BM to wash.
I've tried to fold. I've tried my best :( But.. they're even messier after being folded. FML
Urm...Why bother to fold when they're going to be washed rite? :\

Folding clothes is such a pain in the ass. I dont know whats wrong with my hands.. they'll never fold clothes neatly what more symmetrically :( I NEED TO LEARN HOW TO FOLD MY CLOTHES! Pfffftttt!
Or... I shall use tonnes of hangers to hang my clothes! :D

WHY

Why them? :(
Both dad and bro were admitted to the hospital today. 


Just when I thought everything is going to be alright, things starting to fall apart again. I'm not fine.

Beautiful Sunday ♥

Its been such a longgg time since I've spent my Sunday at home. I miss spending the day at home, studying :) My comfort zone :D Spent the whole day facing books and went out for dinner with the family to celebrate my cousin's birthday! Kids are growing up so fast these days. I feel old :\

Went flea market with my babe, Vincci, yesterday! We went on the wrong night. There was a car event going on. The crowd was.. Spectacular! Full of la-s and beng-s.. just to see the lala cars. No offence, but I really HATE modified cars. I don't get the point of buying a proton/perodua car and modify it into a wannabe sports car! NO, it doesnt work that way! If you cant afford a sports car, stfu and drive your Proton! D:

Back to flea market, I finally bought the metal wired hairband thinggy! Went there on purpose to get it ;) Yes, I'm so excited bout this, I know I've 'announced' this on Fb :P 

I've cut my hair short! :P

We had Milo McFlurry before going back. Ahhhh, its ORGASMIC! It tasted so goooooood :D

 Vincci is a freak! She finished up that whole thing in.. 5 minutes?! o.O

Single, Mingle, Jingle

I'm starting to get a grip of my life! *jumps around*
I'm starting to adapt to this new single life thinggy. I've been attached to someone since... I was 14? Have been depending on someone for such a long time. Four years with my first and half a year with my second one. Its time to learn how to be independent! :D

I've been hurt by love, cried out uncountable litres of tears, lost faith and trust.. I've made mistakes but I'm not regretting them :) Falling in love with someone is easy but falling out is never an easy one. Climbing up alone this time is definitely tougher than the previous time when I relied on him to be out of it. Having a bunch of great friends around me just made me realized that... Friends are always better than lovers :) They'll never leave you like how you bf/gf does. Alright, maybe they do.. but you'll never feel the same agony.

When two individuals meet, they either become story or history. I've ruined two friendships.. especially the second one. Really missed those times when we're just friends T__T  Damn, no more debate partner and singing mate! Pfffftttt >< People come and go, Sze.. Wait for the right one who stays :D They came for a reason, created memories together, taught you a life lesson... and made you who you are today.


I'm experiencing my life from a whole new different perspective. I feel so new to this 'alone' world! FML I had a really tough time to adapt to this new life at the beginning. I have to do everything by myself! :O Its so tiring =.= ( If you know me well enough, you'll know that I'm actually VERY dependent! D: ) But now.. I've accomplished a lot of things alone! I'm so proud! WOOTS! 

• I did my FIRST reverse parking ALL BY MYSELF! Few months back, I wouldnt even bother to try reverse parking unless my ex is by my side to steer the steering wheel :\
• I drive around all by myself most of the days. No, I'm not proud of this. I HATE DISLIKE DRIVING! I personally thinks that I'm not a driving material :P 
• I make decisions on my own :) Damn proud of this lor! My brain is always in its subconscious state unless I'm studying. I hardly think! Little things like.. Should I go for this or that? Should I do this or that? - My ex will automatically make all these decisions for me. I was mentally retarded :O 
• I manage to sleep without any lullaby or goodnight kiss! Dont give me that look! Lol. When I was with my ex-es, I'll be insomniac if I didnt get to talk to them before sleeping. Dont ask me why :P

This is just the beginning.. The list will be addingggggg! :D
Its been such a long time since I'm feeling so carefree~ I can go out with whoever I want, talk to whoever I wish, flirt with uncountable ones! :P The previous break up really wake me up.. I'm only NINETEEN! Why tie myself down with someone when this is the time that I'm supposed to go out and explore life? ;) Plus, I'm too young for the word 'FOREVER' :) 

Time to grow up, Sze 

A really big thank you to all my friends who were there to comfort me when I was really down. You know who you are :) Wouldn't dare to imagine how would I be if you ppl weren't there for me! *HUGSSSSSSSSSSSSSS* Thanks for tolerating my continuous rants and whines and cries! I owe you people a big one! :D  ♥

Rebound! :D

My finals starts next week! Alright, no. Fivemoredaysinprecise! :O

I'm freaking out. So unprepared! :(

Been slacking too much for too longgggggggggg :(

College ends yesterday. I'm feeling so reluctant to leave! 

18months passed by so freaking fast! I can still remember the first day of orientation.. Unknowns everywhere! HAHAHAH :P

But now, we're so blended into each other. So sad that we're going to be apart soon :(

I need to shop so badly! I dont know why plus I dont think that we need a reason to shop :P

I'm dying to get some hair accessories and a vest :D Stupid finals is making shopping in malls impossible..

And this is when online shopping comes in handy!! Oh, the fun of clicking without realizing the shrinking of your savings account D:

Just finish uploaded tonnes of pics in fb. Time to hit the books! *punches fist into the air*

20 days!

Twenty more days to finals! I'm so dead :S

I've been training myself how to sleep on a single bed lately :D
My bed's too full of books and bags.. I'm too lazy to clean up my stuffs. HAHAHA
My room is always a mess after having exams/test coz I'll never be bothered to put back my books and stack them up together. I'll keep on taking things out without putting them back in place *gulps*

 So tidy... till I have to force myself to sleep on the other side of the bed :\

 My supposed to be study table :P

 I need to START cleaning up this mess :S

Eat Pray Love

"I have a history of making decisions very quickly about men. I have always fallen in love fast and without measuring risks. I have a tendency not only to see the best in everyone, but to assume that everyone is emotionally capable of reaching his highest potential. I have fallen in love more times than I care to count with the highest potential of a man, rather than with the man himself, and I have hung on to the relationship for a long time (sometimes far too long) waiting for the man to ascend to his own greatness. Many times in romance I have been a victim of my own optimism."  

— Elizabeth Gilbert (Eat, Pray, Love)

 I can so relate to this minus the plural form of relationship. Lol! 
Hmm.. Alright, I have a very weak spot for mix guys (well, my ex-es explain it all. lol ) ! Dont ask me why. Chinese guys never turn me on. Sigh* I dislike my own race :( Sun-tanned skin tone plus a lil build up body is another melting point! :D Not forgetting, musical instruments such as guitar (normal), piano (still okay), violin (romantic) and drums ( YENG! I CAN DAI ) ! Gosh, I can faint right now. HAHAHAHA Yes, I'm easily attracted to this kind of guys, I mean.. who wouldnt? :P


Shall continue blogging tmw. Time to study! :)

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up ♥

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up 
Now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything...


I baked today!! :D *excited*
Decided to take some time off from grieving studying and clear up the cream cheese and whipping cream in my fridge :P The cream cheese is going to expire in.. a few days' time :\
Went Jusco to get oreo and extra cream cheese ( Right, I ended up buying different brand of cream cheese and the one in my fridge IS till in my fridge nao! Tsk ). Back at home, I was so excited to whip the cream.. and only to realize that that box of cream in my fridge is NOT whipping cream! Its thickened cream :S Being ignorant and stubborn, I started whipping it and it turns into a bowl of coagulated yellowish creamy crap and  milk == Ended up, going out to buy another box of whipping cream! So, I wasted a box of cream and there's still a tube of going-to-expire-cream-cheese in my fridge D:

Oreo cruncher! :P

 Hey, you!

 Whipping that thickened cream! HAHAHAH 

Cheh wahhhhhh! 

 Oreo cheesecake!!

Unfortunately, WE failed! The cake's so stubborn!

 It just wouldn't turn hard! :(

Hyped up!

New layout! :D
Finally something new ♥
Loving the simplicity and the blueeeee :)

Trials just ended! I can breathe in some fresh air now :)
Three freaking weeks till finals.. Gahhhhhh!